...or is it? Remember the arguments about whether 2000 should be included in the old millenium or the new one, the old century or the new one? Well, whatever. It's a year ending in 0, and that always seems to bring on more serious jubilation and reflection than others. (If you really dig those, we should switch to a binary calendar, so we'd get one every other year, but I digress.)
I'll be honest: This last semester was rough, professionally and to some extent personally. I felt like I was working long, hard hours without reaping much success in the classroom, at least in two of my classes. It was frustrating and exhausting, and that seeped out into the rest of my life. Ben continued to amaze and delight us on an almost daily basis with his abilities, growth, and generally sweet personality; at the same time, he turned Two, and his increasingly intense episodes of Twoness have been a source of both gratification and exasperation. I'll save most of the Twoness for another post, but suffice it to say that I spend a good deal of my time reminding myself, through gritted teeth, "He's developing executive autonomy, he's developing executive autonomy," which sounds much more impressive than "He's being a stubborn and contrary little stinker!"
As a result, it's a little hard to look forward right now with the sort of anticipation and resolution which the occasion requires; I'm still in recovery mode. But I have recovered enough to be very mindful of how incredibly fortunate I am, fortunate in family and love, fortunate in the quality and security of my life. I wish everyone good fortune and peace in the New Year. And Ben, I love you.
"I Cannot Even Smile Here"
3 months ago